Meeting Reflections – 10/30/08

Our meeting today focused on business and wealth creation.  The meeting was led by AlphaWolf, and we took turns discussing our experiences in the workforce, our business goals, and ideas for how to get there.  As usual, it was useful just to be able clarify and share my own thoughts, as well as hear the thoughts and opinions of others.

One of the things that I gained from doing the homework for the meeting was reading up on the blog of Tim Ferris, an entrepreneur and expert on lifestyle management.  One of the things that he talks about is clearing out all of the distractions and interruptions in our life (ironically, I was interrupted by a text while writing this), so that we can focus on working on projects and tasks that matter.

This really struck home for me, because I spend way too much time on the internet being distracted and unfocused.  I typically have 5-10 different tabs open in my browser at once, and read 20-40 articles a day from my rss feed, and am contantly checking my e-mail and facebook (which is made worse by my iPhone, which keeps me connected to the ‘Net 24 hours a day).

Not only is this a huge waste of time, but there’s no way I can take in all the information I’m reading.  The content of the articles I read is good, but at the end of the day, what have I gained from distractedly flipping through 40 blog posts?  Not a whole lot; certainly few lasting changes in my behavior or thinking which will have any meaningful impact on my life.

I am currently working on designing an app for the iPhone, developing a business in my entrepreneuship class, working on ideas to generate passive income through Internet ads, and a couple other personal projects.  I can’t afford to be distracted by this information overload.

So what can I do about this?  I will restrict myself from checking my rss feed to once a day, let’s say during lunch, and I will force myself to write about at least one article from my feed a day on my blog.  This will force me to at least engage with the material, instead of passively consuming it, and help with retention.  Let’s see how long I can keep this up; this blog post is my accountability.

Kinowear

My friend AlphaWolf recently sent me a link to the Kinowear Blog, and I’ve found the site to be simply a goldmine for advice on style, fashion, and personal development.  I’ve enjoyed spending the last few days going through the site and reading through all of the great articles there, and have since learned about different types of socks, what a pocket square is, and how to find the right pair of jeans.  There’s so much information there it’s like getting a second education, outside of school.

I’ve also enjoyed applying the things that I’ve learned through the blog to my life.  I don’t really have the money right now to go out and get a new wardrobe, but I’ve cleared out a lot of my old clothes to make way for new items in the future.  I’ve also enjoyed experimenting with different combinations of pieces that I already own, and have started looking at websites for different looks and pieces that I may want to purchase.

Right now, my number one priority is to get a new pair of shoes, as my old ones are pretty tattered.  I’m also looking to get a new jacket or sweater for the winter season, and am toying with the idea of getting a scarf to spice up my look.  Also on my list are accessories such as arm bands and neck bands.  That’s a lot to shop for– hopefully Santa’s got me down on his list!

For now I am just having fun observing what different people are wearing, and seeing what works and what doesn’t work, seeing who has clothes that fit them well, and trying to identify the elements that go into a great style.  It is a whole new way of looking at the world, almost like looking through a new set of eyes, and I am enjoying the whole process of learning more about fashion.

Meeting Reflections – 10/23/08

The topic of today’s meeting of my Mastermind Group was Day Game, led by Miki, our resident Day Game expert.  For the meeting we talked about some of the differences between Night and Day Game, and some approaches to escalating an interaction during the daytime.  A lot of it was content I covered recently with Dan, but it was nice to go over it again and hear different people’s thoughts on the topic.

One of the things the meeting helped me realize is just how little Day Game I’ve done.  I haven’t really done *any* approaches during the day with the intent to escalate– all of my past relationships have been with girls I’ve met through salsa dancing or my social circle, plus a handful of girls I’ve met at the bar.  I’ve recently started to get more comfortable having conversations with strangers, but I really need to push my interactions further by delivering a Statement of Intent, and working to move conversations beyond the platonic level.

Things I will work on:

  1. Be more comfortable approaching and having conversations w/ strangers.
  2. Progress an interaction from platonic to romantic through the use of SOIs.
  3. Become more comfortable talking about sex.

Our next meeting will be about something completely different (how to generate income outside of work), so it should be interesting.

Some Thoughts on Fashion

Growing up, I never paid much attention to fashion.  Up until high school, I pretty much just wore whatever my parents got me, and even in high school I was pretty clueless.  I never even owned a pair of jeans until I got to college (growing up in Hawaii, I just walked around in shorts and flip-flops), and it wasn’t until I got into the Game that I took a serious look at how I dressed myself.

I used to think that clothing was just superficial, and it is to a degree, but it’s also one of the first things that people judge you by when you meet them, so they’re important for creating a powerful first impression.  No matter what you wear, you cannot not communicate, so you may as well pick clothing that communicates what you want.

I think my style has come a long way in the past couple years, but I still have a lot of work to do.  One of the things that my current ensemble is lacking is accessories.  Necklaces, bracelets, rings– these aren’t just for women anymore.  Worn tastefully, they can accent an outfit and work as excellent conversation starters.

Another thing that I feel I lack is an overall theme for my clothing.  I have been flailing around picking up bits and pieces for my wardrobe, but it doesn’t always come together in a consistent “look.”  My friend Joe recently lent me a copy of Brad P.’s fashion bible, and one of the things it emphasizes is picking a “sexy stereotype” and modeling someone who already has a very cool style.  It makes sense not to have to re-invent the wheel, and I will take this advice to heart as I add more pieces for my collection.

Finally, working with Dan this past weekend, one of the things he stressed in regards to fashion was finding clothes that fit.  He explained that one of the key differences between expensive and inexpensive jeans is the way they fit.  He suggested finding a good tailor who can make adjustments to my clothing, which I think is great advice.  A tailor can also spruce up an item with custom stitching, embroidery, and other alterations, which is a good way to personalize an otherwise generic outfit.

Anyway, those are just some thoughts I’ve been having about fashion.  Time to go shopping!

A Weekend with Dan

This past weekend I got to hang out with Dan from Charisma Coaching (formerly of Charisma Arts), and it was a great experience.  Dan has been one of my role-models when it comes to the area of social dynamics, so it was great to be able to work with him, and have him break down the process of how to have a good conversation, and how to progress an interaction from being a stranger, to a friend, to a romantic interest.

We covered A LOT of material, so it will probably take a few weeks (and a few blog posts) to properly digest everything, but one of the key things that I took away from the workshop is the importance of being able to communicate who I am.  The entire process of dating, when it comes down to it, is about finding out who the other person is and also communicating who you are, which is difficult if you don’t even know yourself.  I will definitely be spending time over the next few weeks working on being able to clearly articulate and express who I am through conversation.

Another big lesson that I learned is that I need to work on using specific examples to illustrate my stories so that people can relate to them.  I tend to speak in generalities, and give very brief statements that don’t really let other people know who I am.  For example, when asked about what I enjoy doing, I might reply: “I enjoy skating.”  While this answers the question, it really doesn’t say much about who I am or give the other person much to relate to.

A better statement would go something like: “I enjoy skating because it’s so free and exhilarating.  Like the other night, I decided to go skating in the middle of the night, and just putting on my blades and skating through the empty downtown streets felt like stepping into another world.  I remember going down this one tree-lined hill, and feeling the fresh, night air blowing past me, and just feeling really alive.  It almost felt like I was flying.”  The second statement gives more for someone to relate to, and shows a little more about my personality.

Another thing that I learned was relating to someone emotionally.  This is something that I’ve read about before, but still find challenging.  The main gist behind the idea is that when someone gives a statement, to relate to emotional content of the message rather than the things themselves.

For example, if someone says: “I love painting because it makes me feel creative,” the most common response is to relate to the object in the statement: “I enjoy painting too.  One time I painted…”  However, relating emotionally would look something like this: “I can totally relate to that.  For me, I feel creative when I’m writing… like this one time when I had to write a story for a creative writing class I was taking, and I got so caught up in it, that three hours flew by without me even realizing it.  I just felt so focused, that I was in the Zone.”

The second statement talks about a completely different subject, but relates to the same emotion.  Relating on an emotional level allows you to connect with people even if you don’t have many “things” in common, because emotions are universal.  It also allows you to find out more about a person because you aren’t stuck talking about the things, but instead are finding out about how the person felt.

Anyway, those are just some of my initial comments on the workshop.  I will definitely go into more depth about some of the other things we covered in future posts.  If you haven’t read Dan’s material before, I would definitely check out his blog as well as his podcast.  There’s a lot of great content there.

The story so far…

So I’ve finally gotten around to starting my own blog.  The main impetus is that I’ve finally taken the plunge, and committed to improving this area of my life.  I became aware of the Game nearly two years ago, and have applied some of the things I’ve learned since then to my life, but haven’t really gone out actively to “sarge” or seriously push myself to improve my skills with women.

That changed a few weeks ago when I joined a group of like-minded guys who are all working to improve this area of their life, and I have since gone out on numerous occaisions and have been pushed out of my comfort zone.  I hope to use this blog as a place to chronicle some of my experiences, as well as share some of the lessons that I’ve learned along the way.  Game on!