Giving Thanks

On this day, I am thankful for:

  • My health, without which I wouldn’t have anything.
  • All the great people who invited me to their homes to share food on this great holiday.
  • My friends, my family, and the people who make me smile.
  • Living in a land of opportunity, in an exciting and challenging time.
  • Being alive and looking forward to living.

That’s just the short list, but I’ll keep it there for now until I recover from this food coma.

Overcoming Heartbreak

Recently, a friend of mine went through a rough emotional experience with a girl he had developed strong feelings for, who in turn LJBF’d him.  I can totally understand what he is going through, because I’ve gone through the same experience myself, and it was one such experience that actually got me into the game.

I offered my friend some advice about how to overcome the pain of a failed relationship, and some of the things that I’ve found useful, and I thought I’d share them here as well.

1) Friends.  I think friends are an important resource when trying to overcome emotional pain.  I know for myself, when I went through one particularly rough experience, I went out drinking with all of my female friends (one of the benefits of being a “nice guy”) and they were more than happy to listen to my troubles and offer their sympathy and advice.  They even gave me the confidence that I needed to ask out another girl I had a crush on for a while.  Going through heartbreak is tough, but it’s a lot easier with supportive people around you.

2) Exercise.  When it comes to overcoming heartbreak, there’s nothing worse than sitting at home and brooding.  One of the things I’ve found helpful is to do a heavy workout, or do some sprints to burn through all the pent up emotional energy.  Sometimes it feels like going outside and exercising is the last thing I want to do, but once I actually get out of the door and start moving, I feel a lot better.

3) Distraction.  One trap that’s easy to fall into when going through an emotionally rough time is to think about the relationship over and over again.  It’s ok to spend some time coming to grips with the situation, and share the story with a few friends, but after a point it becomes harmful to keep dwelling on the same negative and painful thoughts.

One helpful trick to avoid thinking about the painful experience, that’s recently been corroborated by scientific research, is to do mental puzzles.  When your mind is focused on a difficult, logical task, it becomes literally impossible to focus on anything else, and your mind temporarily detaches from the emotional part of yourself and switches to the logical side of your mind.  I know for me, one of the things that I’ve done in the past is play DDR (Dance Dance Revolution).  Kind of a silly example, I know, but once my mind is focused on the game, the rest of the world fades away, and I find myself removed from my emotions, and plus its good exercise.  DDR is just one example, of course– anything that is mentally challenging or gets you into “the zone” will do,

Anyway, those are just some of the things that I’ve found in the past that have been helpful for me in overcoming heartbreak and emotional pain.  Getting over a broken heart can be tough, I know for myself, I still feel an occasional twinge, even now, but doing some of the things above have helped me get through the rough patches.  Ultimately, you want to strive to reframe the negative experience into a positive one.  That means creating a great life for yourself, so that when you look back, you will find that your life is better off now because the relationship didn’t work out, rather than pining for something that was never meant to be.

Approach Challenge Update

So I want to publicly announce that the approach challenge has not been going well for me at all.  I’ve done a few approaches here and there, but they’ve grown less and less frequent as the days have gone by.  I feel like I have few problems approaching women in social situations, but approaching a complete stranger on the street and expressing interest them still feels like it is outside of my reality.

Maybe I need to take smaller steps to build up to this?  Or perhaps go out with other guys who can force me into sets.  All I know is the current challenge isn’t working, and I’ll need to tackle this from another angle if I want to get this cold approach thing figured out.

Pickup Podcast Epdisode 73

I listened to the latest episodes of pickup podcast today, which features an interview with Mehow.  It’s a solid two part episode, and I actually listened to the whole thing twice during my workout.

One of the things that Mehow mentioned in the interview that I found interesting was that he argues that the best way to become a natural is by learning routines.  He used the metaphor of a dancer starting out by learning a set routine of patterns in order to master the fundamentals, before learning to improvise on their own, which really resonanted with me as a dancer.  I have so far stayed away from using too much canned material in my pickup, but I found Mehow’s arguments to be pretty convincing.

Mehow and Jordan also talked a bit about pickup ethics in the interview, and the dilemma of going after girls who have boyfriends.  I found myself agreeing with Mehow again, who argued that picking up girls with BFs is fair game.  A girl might be in a relationship, but relationships can be ended.  Ultimately it comes down to who is providing the greater value to a girl’s life.  If a girl is in a relationship where her needs are not being met, there’s no reason why she should stay in it.  As far as I’m concerned, people (both men and women) spend way too much time in unfulfilling relationships as it is.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the episode.  It’s one of the better one’s I’ve heard in a while, so I would definitely recommend checking it out.

Meeting Reflections – 10/13/08

I met with my Mastermind Group the other day, where we reviewed our goals in the areas of health, wealth, and relationships.  It was helpful to share those again with the group, and was interesting seeing how many of the goals of our group members are pretty similar, which I suppose makes for a good group.

We also spent time during the meeting going over each of our 14 day challenges.  Most of us have similar challenges, and most of us ended up running into the same roadblocks, so it was helpful to hear the advice from some of our more experienced members.

One piece of advice from Miki was pretty interesting: he suggested reframing the anxiety that we feel before we do an approach as the body getting us ready to do the approach.  Thus, the nervousness becomes not something that we have to overcome, but something that is helping us with the approach.  It seemed like a very novel approach to tackling AA, and I will definitely test it in field to see how it works.

Another idea that Miki suggested was doing Pickup 101’s so-called “Girl of the Day” challenge, where you have to go up to the cutest girl you see every day, and tell her she’s cute.  I like the simplicity of the idea, because I wouldn’t have to think so much about an opener, and it would definitely force myself to talk to attractive women, but I’m not quite sure I’m there yet.  I will continue with my current 14 day challenge for now, and see where I want to go from there.

Shopping Day

So I went shopping today for some new clothes.  I went out with the intention of getting a new warm top for the winter season, as well as to experiment with some scarves.  I tried to apply some of the style advice I’ve been reading, but it was really difficult to put into practice.

My main problem is that I’m still not clear as to what look I’m going for, so I’m not sure what to get.  I should really take Kinowear’s advice of modeling a look that I like, and customizing it to fit my needs.  That should make shopping simpler.

Anyway, what I ended up getting was a green, zip-up sweater and an orange patterned scarf from H&M.  I am really excited to try on the scarf, and will have to experiment with different ways of tying it.  I saw a guy in the mall rocking a scarf with a plain white tee, and it looked great, so I will have to emulate that look.

I also dropped by Off 5th, and ended up picking up a brown hoodie from Resurge.  It wasn’t on my shopping list, but it has a really cool design with some intricate details, and there’s just something that I love about hoodies.  I also picked up a pair of sport oxfords from Payless.  Not sure how I feel about those yet, but it’s a good start for branching away from sneakers, and for $20, it’s hard to go wrong.

My most exciting purchase of the day, however, was made online.  I’ve been looking for awhile for some accessories to compliment my look, and today I stumbled across a site that sells jewelry based on the Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis.  Those books have had more impact on my life than any other, so I was excited to find some cool Narnia-related pieces, and went on a bit of a shopping spree there.  I can’t wait to try these on, and will definitely report back on them once they come in.

So it was a pretty productive, if exhausting (can you tell from the scatter-brained post?), shopping day today.  I plan on stopping by Crossroads tomorrow after class to see if I can’t find some t-shirts to match the hoodie I picked up today, so that should be exciting.

Approach Challenge – Day 5

I went shopping for clothes today at the mall, but ended up not doing any approaches beyond flirting with some hired guns.  There is just something about shopping that is just exhausting to me.  Lame excuse, I know.  I will do two approaches tomorrow to make up for today.